met.a.mor.pho.sis--n.
1. a complete change of form, structure, or substance.
2. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.
3. a form resulting from any such change.
in all the years of my life i have moved a total of 4 times.
not much compared to others, i know. in fact, it might as well be 3 times, since the first time i was only one and cannot remember. either way, my first memorable move mom and dad called me and my sister into the kitchen (i do not remember where my brother was. out somewhere i suppose.) my parents looked quite serious. "sit down girls." they said. since being in 3rd grade and not having much of an attention span, i dont remember much of what happened. mom said dads job had changed in as he was driving more frequently two hours away to parkersburg. they explained that it would continue to be like that and it would be easier for us to live there. i dont think i fully understood what was happening until katelyn started sobbing. finally i got it. we were leaving my home town of bridgeport west virginia. the town i grew up in. the town where ashley our baby sitter would take us to the pool almost every day of summer. the school i loved so much. all my friends. my best friends kate katie lauren and bethany. our wonderful house we had built when i was one. the gorgeous yard and entertaining driveway. the fun-filled neighborhood. everything. i began to cry uncontrollably. my parents hugged us for a very long time. i had a hard time telling my friends i was leaving. it was only two hours away, but to a little 3rd grader who had never been farther away from home than a friends house a few minutes away, it seemed like a different planet.
we had been living in parkersburg/vienna since my 4th grade year. i had grown up in elementary building of wood county christian school and the belpre church of christ. i had many friends. when i became old enough i got involved in the youth group at church. i loved it. my school friends were my life. we had many adventures and fun times. i had told myself in 6th grade that it would be this forever. i would always live in parkersburg. i had planned to graduate from wccs. go to school at OVC (as it was called then) and probably marry eric grubbs who i had been dating for two years. this ideal future was torn in half when in the summer of 05, sarah curtis, my best friend, was moving to new york as a result of her parents divorce. this terrible event hit me hard. i thought it was impossible, how could she be leaving? it was unheard of! she was supposed to stay with me at school till we graduated, and even then still stay with me in parkersburg! she couldnt leave! i knew though that she was leaving and i would have to go to school with out her. i still had my other best friends, but school wasnt the same with out her. the very next summer my life fell apart again. it began when dad would come home angry and yelling. i would just sit quietly at the computer trying to be invisible as mom would talk to dad softly and try to calm him down. one day mom sat me down and explained dads partnership was falling apart and it was only a matter of time till a change in jobs would be happening. it never occurred to me then that we would leave the state i grew up in and loved. dad began looking for a job, and it became obvious that his change in job would force us to move elsewhere. London! what? No!! that choice was thrust aside. Indiana? that sounds good. not to me. i wanted to stay in west virginia with my friends and school and church! but this was impossible.
i had just finished my freshman year in high school. it was the summer after. i had cried myself to sleep many nights. that summer i missed camp. every weekend my mom and i would drive to indiana to stay with my dad and look for a house and a school for me. we found a school, but no house. finally, the day before my new school started we ended up moving into my dads one room, one bath apartment and hour away from my school. i slept on a twin air mattress in the living room of the apartment. this was the worst i thought. i left all my friends in west virginia 5 hours away. this was worse than 2 hours. that visit you could make in a day. but 5 hours, that was atleast a weekend visit. and free weekends for driving 10 hours dont happen very much. it was the second day of school and i loved it. i noticed a few cute guys, and a new girl, brittany, and i, automatically became inseparable. a few days later in art class a cute boy sat by me and we talked. my classes were messed up and i came into a study hall with him there. he and his friend began to talk with me in study hall everyday. i began to like him a lot. i became amazing friends with another new girl, sarah. we were so alike in many ways and she shared my extreme hyperness and random outbursts. we sort of clung to our history teacher mr. jackson and i think in a way he might have liked us too. :) this school was my dream school. good dress code, praise and worship band in chapel, amazing teachers, great kids. this wasnt turning out to be a horrible move after all. indiana was great, gorgeous HUGE skies, loads of cornfields, lovely weather. i actually started to like it. indiana was my new home and i loved it.
dads job again. he was having a horrible time. he found a way out of it. London again? "well, that would be cool wouldnt it?" i had thought. i mentioned that. now i wish i wouldnt have. when it was decided dad would work in london i broke down. leaving again? i just got used to indiana. we hadnt been there a year! how can we be leaving now?! i cried every single night. i kept it from my new friends as long as i could before i knew it was for sure. i told sarah one day. she was upset. i told meredith. she was upset also. i had began talking to wiley again. we started getting closer and even talked about dating. on the last week of school in our study hall mrs. smith called my to her desk and asked me if what she heard was correct, that i was moving to london. "yes", i replied. we were talking in a hushed tone, and i thought no one had heard. we were watching aladdin. i went back to the movie and sat down next to wiley who was laying on his stomach. his mood had seemed to change. he was quiet. finally he looked up at me, his face was sad. "youre moving?" he asked. i was shocked, "who told you that?" i asked. he said he had over heard when me and mrs. smith were talking. sadly i looked away and quietly said "yes." wes's head perked up, he was sitting on the other side of me. "where to? like down the street or something?" wiley asked. i was silent for a while until saying "...london." "LONDON?!" he burst out. "what?!" wes said, "allison!!?" they cried out. "when??" they asked. "....this summer..." i said. silence. i didnt know what to do. the rest of the week wiley was extremely depressed and stayed as close to me as possible. i felt horrible. the last day of school we decided to date. that was the happiest day of my life. after a short summer that wasnt even over, i found myself in an airport sitting with my boyfriend trying to be happy and not acknowledge what was really happening. our seats were called and we stood up. my face began to get hot and my eyes filled with tears. i looked down as i walked towards the entrance to the plane. i looked up at wiley, a few tears were slowly falling down his cheeks. my face was wet by now. i hugged him and gave him a short kiss. "ill miss you.." we said to each other. i turned and waved goodbye before i went down the hallway to the plane.
now i am in london. horrible london. a different country. an ocean away from my life, my friends, my home. i am not being pessimistic, london really is a horrid place to live. the only good thing seems to be walking everywhere, but even at that you get tired of walking. everything is small. im living in a two bedroom apartment of which we are paying rent as much as our indiana house was which had 3 bedrooms a basement and an actual backyard and space. the pound is twice as much as the dollar so everything is much more expensive. we do not have a dryer, we had to buy a mircowave and a tv because they are counted as a luxury items and were not included in this supposedly "furnished" apartment. we are having money problems. we were having these problems even in indiana, (that i was not aware of until a few weeks before we moved.) dad had seen my upset status on facebook and sent me an email that had gone straight to the junk folder and i didnt read it until he mentioned it. he told me he was sorry for doing all this to me, and he told me we barely had enough money to be living in greenwood anyway, my parents were having to take from their retirement funds to keep me in school and keep us fed. now that we are in london dad is getting paid in pounds, but with the housing so expensive it doesnt seem to make our money problems go away. it is a huge ordeal just to get me into school here. at age 16 you are not required by law to go to school anymore. but to get into a college at home, i need my high school years. i can go to a sixth form school or a college here. sixth forms stopped taking new student last year, and are definitely NOT taking any more. the colleges are concerned whether or not they can take me because they do not know if GCA was accredited or not. which it was. i can get in, but they might not let me study at an A level, which is what i need for college at home.
i miss my home. i dont understand why God has put me in london. home is where the heart is and my heart is in indiana right now. my boyfriend is in indiana. my best friends are in new york and west virginia. i cant be with any of them. i worry. i worry my relationship with my boyfriend will fall apart. i worry i wont be able to do what i plan to by going to ACU in texas with my sister next year. i worry i wont get education to get a good enough grade to pass my ACT and get into ACU. the only thing i dont worry about is my best friends because i know they will do anything to keep in contact with me and listen to me and be there for me. everything else seems to be falling apart. i do not want to stay here 2 years. i want to be in america. i want to go to college, i am done with school. i want to be with my boyfriend and my best friends. i cant do any of this. i pray and beg God. i am alone. i just need comfort. i need to know why i am here.
i dont belong here. i belong in america. why is this happening?
